Hawaii - Days 4, 5 and 6

Day 4 consisted of driving, stopping to decide whether it was worth it to get out of the car and brave the rain. We repeated this simple pattern for nearly the entire day.

The veiws were beautiful, as were the beaches.  The rain, on the other hand, was the bane of my existence.

Day 5 consisted of much paddling both with feet and hands, a 2 mile hike through ankle deep mud followed by more hiking and more paddling.

Today I got laid in church. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I’ve been wanting to say that all day.

I have also realized something during my stay here.  The only naked people on the beach are the incredibly young or the incredibly old.  Neither of these groups of people should be allowed to do so.

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What I Learned From The Past 365.25 Days

Here is a list of random things I have learned from the past year. I hope you enjoy them… seriously. I really tried to make this worth the read.

• The only thing worse than having diarreah is trying to have it quietly in a public bathroom. (Thanks Jeff Foxworthy.)
• When you lose a friend because of their refusal to communicate, they weren’t really your friend in the first place.
• You dance best when nobody is looking.
• You should judge yourself by the judging the caliber of the people who like you… not the caliber of people who don’t.
• Tell yourself you’re sexy, cause you are… you really are. No, seriously Bags… you are. So. Sexy.
• Twitter is an addiction… and I’m ok with that.
• Bands named after body parts normally don’t produce the most melodic of tunes.
• Kissing on the mouth is way better than not.
• Beaches = Sunshine. Sunshine = Happiness. Beaches = Happiness.
• Being black doesn’t make you a good president… but neither does being white. Being Ron Paul does though. Too bad the rest of the world missed that memo.
• If it itches, scratch it… just not in public.
• PDA (Public Display of Affection) is a lot easier to hate when it’s not your PDA.
• Heroes never die. Well, ok. They die. But if they write books, they live on in the books… I need to write a book.
• Imagination is way more important than you think it is.
• Donuts taste good until you eat more than one. Then you just want to throw them up.
• Any song that starts “One! Two! One-Two-Three-Four!” or contains “bah bahs, fa fa’s or do doo’s” is automatically a good song.
• Viral Youtube videos are the true purpose of life. Here’s a few more for good measure.
• Love hurts.
• If you close your eyes really hard and wish with all your might, your dreams still probably won’t come true.  You have to work for those… but the work is worth it… even if it doesn’t pay off like you’d hoped.
• When life hands you crap, make lemonade. Wait…
• Find one reason to laugh, every day… even if that reason is that you have no other reasons.
• The person who cares least in the relationship has the most power. It’s very sad, but it’s very true.
• Oft times the person you love most is also the person you most want to punch in the face.
• The only people who are normal are the people you don’t know well enough.
• Dishes are like girlfriends… nobody should be doing yours.

For the most part, all of this crap is true… I’ll know it’s really true if I read it next year and I can still relate.

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Hawaii - Day 3

I jumped out of a tree next to a waterfall.

This tree to be specific:

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Hawaii - Day 2

Got to sleep in, finish my first book of the vacation (2 more to go) and snorkel.

Also… the wall of water that overtook us this afternoon was both unexpected and torrential.  We watched the grey clouds coming our way, all the while thinking, “Oh, it won’t be that bad.” It drizzled for 15 seconds followed by an abupt explosion. In seconds, we were soaked to the bone.  The beach turned into one of those disaster end-of-the-world movie scenes with children and parents scattering every which way for shelter.

Within 2 minutes the sidewalk was a river and all but a handful of us had scurried to cars for shelter and headed elsewhere.  The persistent were rewarded with a much more sparsely populated beach 30 minutes later when the caffeine free hurricane had had its way with us and moved on to its next victims.

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Hawaii - Day 1

Almost missed our flight because Dad left his cell phone at home. We had to turn back to get it. (It’s ok though, cause we made it.)

Upon landing in Hawaii, the pilot realized that the landing gear was not down on our plane. Before crashing into the tarmac, he pulled up, dropped the landing gear and tried again. Don’t worry though, he told us it was because of the weather, not the lack of wheels that we had to go for round two.

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Aloha

Go ahead. Hate me. See you in a week… if I decide to come back.

Leaving On A Jet Plane - Justin

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Santa’s Sexy Little Helper

Christmas is that time of year when you can wear underwear on the outside of your clothes ad people think it’s cool. OK, actually, that’s Halloween… but in last night’s scenario it also applied (as demonstrated in the picture for this post).

I got a text from my little brother on the 23rd (the day before Christmas Eve) saying that it was pivotal that I be home by 4:30 the next evening.  I had lots of things to do before then, including all of Christmas shopping, a thorough cleaning of the house (I hate coming home after a vacation to a dirty house), a half day of work and some laundry.

The next day, I called my Mom requesting explanation for my early arrival.  My brother had made it sound as if the request had come from her.  She informed me that the 4:30 thing was actually my brother’s idea, and that it was not her privilege to disclose more.  After a little more hassling, I realized that neither she nor my brother was going to budge on the issue.  So I packed up and headed home.

As I entered the house a few minutes after 4:00, Jason (the brother) headed back to his room with a mischievous smile on his face.  He returned with four bulging plastic bags full of toys and set them down in front of me.

“Merry Christmas,” he said.

“Um… thank you?” I replied. “What’s this all about?”

“We are going to wrap these presents, dress up like Santa and his elf, and give some kids a Christmas.”

I was struck dumb.  Apparently for the past few weeks, he and my Mother have been corresponding with some intercity missionaries.  They had located a single mother with a 3-year-old and 4-year-old child. The older of the two is a boy named Adrian, and the younger girl is Carlie.  They didn’t have much for Christmas, and needed a little help.  My brother an Mom went shopping and got them warm clothes, toys and even a gift card for groceries.  It was awesome.

We got out the wrapping paper and started wrapping presents.  We filled our Santa bag with the wrapped gifts and then went and dressed up in our costumes.  I’m glad I got to wear long johns for many reasons, the first being that it was freakishly cold outside.  The second… well… nobody should ever be forced to see me in shorty Santa shorts with these white hairy legs.  Honestly, it probably would have scared the children.

When we were all dressed up, we jumped in the car and headed up to the west side of Salt Lake. We found the apartment complex where the kids lived and started looking for the apartment.  Of course, we had to walk around the entire building before we found it.  At one point, we got stopped by some large, scary looking men.  One of them looked at my brother (Santa) toting his heavy bag of gifts and said, “Hey, is that for me?”

My brother (a fairly large man himself) looked back through his beard and said, “Nope, you’ve been naughty this year.”

“Oh yeah, right,” the man chuckled. “I forgot you were watching all year… that sucks.”

We hurried to the apartment to avoid being hassled again and knocked on the door.  The mom answered and just started laughing. “You guys look great!”

“Ho ho ho!” Jason shouted. “Are Adrian and Carlie home?”

We peeked around the corner and saw Adrian and Carlie freeze.  Their eyes got wide and shot to the door as I danced in.

“Merry Christmas! Are you Adrian and Carlie?”

Adrian sat at the table in awe with a smile. “I’m Adrian. I’m Adrian. I’m Adrian,” he repeated over and over.

Carlie came over to me shyly and smiled. “Have you been good this year?” I asked her.

She nodded.

“How good?” I asked her.  “Have you been this good?” I said indicating a small amount with my fingers, “Or THIS good?” and I spread my arms apart.

She spread her arms like mine and said, “THIS good.”

Santa then asked them for help unloading the presents from his bag.  The two children beamed as they pulled out package after package.  We stacked the space around their tree high with some much needed gifts.  Their mother just stood there laughing.  I don’t think she was expecting a show.

Before I left, I asked the kids if they would give me a Christmas hug.  They both nodded and before I could even get to my knees, they had latched their arms around my neck.  Then they turned and hugged Santa.

Mom whipped out her camera and asked if she could take a picture.  We all turned around and Adrian wrapped his arms around our necks and giggled while he hung on tight. Carlie cuddled right up to me on the other side.

We left that night having turned someone’s meager Christmas in to an experience that may be remembered for years to come… if not by them, most certainly by me.

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?”

Dr. Seuss

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My Playlist of Tolerable Christmas Music

If you know me well, you know I’m not a big fan of Christmas music. As a matter of fact, I loathe it. I mean, there are only a handful of Christmas songs out there.  Granted there are hundreds of variations on each song, but normally 90% of those variations are absolutely wretched.  I mean, one can only take so much of Clay Aiken’s “Mary Did You Know”… ya know what I mean?

Well, in an attempt to not be a total Scruge this holiday season, I’ve been frantically working on creating a playlist of tolerable Christmas music that I can listen to to help give me some holiday cheer.  There are a few classics, and a few new versions.  Some are really mellow, some not so much… but overall, I think I can  honestly say that this is probably the best Christmas playlist ever created.  I can say that with confidence because Celine Dion and Jessica Simpson have absolutely no place in it.

Now, without further ado, I share with you Tolerable Christmas Music Playlist 2008!

Greensleeves - Vanessa Carlton

It’s Only Christmas - As Tall As Lions

I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day - Pedro The Lion

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Coldplay

Someday At Christmas - Jack Johnson

Happy Christmas (War Is Over) - The Fray

Frosty The Snowman - Fiona Apple (Had to have one song about pagan idols, right?)

Joy To The World - Sufjan Stevens

White Christmas - Bing Crosby & Frank Sinatra

I hope you enjoy some of these songs as much as I do, and that they help to bring a little Christmas cheer to the gloomy, cold, depressing season of the year that I hate so much.

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What True Love Is Made Of

My dear friend Lindsay showed me this absolutely wonderful video that I could not resist sharing with you. 

You need only watch the first video for about 15 to 20 seconds… just so you get an idea of what the original is like.  Then you absolutely HAVE to watch the next video.  You will not regret that you did… unless you’re my grandma and think that that evil hip hop music is of the devil.

Now watch this:

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All I Want For Christmas…

It’s that time of year.  Your parents, siblings and close friends are all asking you, “Hey, so… what do you want for Christmas?”

I hate that question.  Honestly, I really don’t need anything. I don’t want anything either. I have a great job, an awesome family, too many clothes and more music than I could ever listen to.

So, this month, when friends and family have asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I’ve told them to look for someone who needs help, to do something nice for them and tell me how it went.

I didn’t think anyone would take me seriously, that is, until today.

I was chatting with my buddy Jeff (whose wife is almost a week overdue with their first child) on instant messenger. He had asked me what I wanted for Christmas last week, and I told him to “Do something nice for someone else.”  I really didn’t think anything of it after that.  I figured he’d laugh it off and just send me a Christmas card or something.  He surprised me though…

He said, “It is cool that you wanted me to do something for someone else for Christmas… So your present is that I bought some nice thermal gloves for a homeless guy that I see everyday on my way to work. Merry Christmas.”

I haven’t been this happy or excited for a Christmas present in a LONG time.

Thanks Jeff, for making my Christmas one to remember, and for being a great friend. I hope your wife pops soon.

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